Ways Apart :(Mom asked me to have some water before leaving. I never used to drink water. That day I was hurrying through my lunch. As usual mom gave me lunch just on time and said she has done as she said with a smile. I couldn’t even touch the rice as it was steaming . I finished my lunch in a hurry, it was filling enough to ensure a good sleep for noon session. On my way out, Pop asked the usual question “At what time your tuition starts?” My pop will always have a question when I’m about to leave . I answered with some tint of frustration “the usual time”. He kept on questioninguntil i gave the answer “The same time which I told you last week”. He was not happy neither me! He again started with his husky voice about my daily schedule. I had my bath just about half past 12 and was rushing through my lunch so that I’ll be in time for my class at 1:15 about three kilometers away from my house. I ran out saying it’s not his problem. He didn’t mind asking about taking his two-wheeler neither sis I. Mom already had given me money to take auto rickshaw. One can always count on their Mom.
The usual place from which I used to get auto rickshaw was deserted. I looked at my watch and started to walk. One empty rickshaw came in the opposite direction and for my luck it turned around and agreed to take me. Once inside the rickshaw I was happy that I had 10 minutes to spare. I thought, I’ll not be late today. On the way there were many extended hands towards my rickshaw and I realized there are not many free rickshaws on this Sunday afternoon.
I noticed one gal with an extended hand towards my rickshaw. Her face was very familiar to me . Yes she is it! After a long break of five years I saw her. Nothing much changed. She had put on some weight. But still I was allured to her eyes. For a moment I thought of asking the rickshaw driver to stop and let her in. Then I realized she won’t be coming in. Any way I didn’t have the courage to do it either! It ignited the whole dream a little more. But even in dreams I behaved the same. My favorite one was the one in which I‘ll be traveling by the train. She comes with the ticket number next to me and takes the seat. I couldn’t start the conversation as I’m afraid to speak to her.
After that I never saw her in my life. But her face is still in my heart. Everyday I think about her at least once. I discussed my dreams and intentions to many of my friends but never disclosed her name because I don’t want to disturb her life. I believe that some day she would get to know what happened to me and who was the cause. But that day never came. With a lot of patience I waited hard and long.
Things were flying around me when I eventually got in to one of the software company just after one moth of completion of my course. No one in my family thought I would make through to my career in my first interview itself. Not even me!
When I went into training I learned that some of my tarine mate are from the Dream gals's college. I casually enquired my friend about the gal. From there I got a clear idea where she is now and how I can reach her. I had a vow in my mind that I won’t be disturbing her. It was almost nine month after my joining date I asked one of my friends to get her e mail id. My friend had friends working in the same company. Since her name was a little peculiar one they didn’t took much time to identify her. After getting her email id I was in a dilemma, should I go ahead or wait for something to happen. I waited impatiently staring at my inbox with a new mail composed for hours. Many of my friends caught me like this but they couldn’t figure it out why I’m like this.
It was on a Friday, April 1st. I was about to leave. Without an after thought I composed a mail saying I’m an old friend of the gal , cannot say friend but had been in same class. Then wished her a happy fool’s day and asked her to keep in touch. I send the mail in a flick of a second because if I think again, I wouldn’t do it. April 2 and 3 was one of the longest weekend in my life. The mail was sent from my yahoo id to her official id. I had added an apology saying about sending mails to her office id. On Monday morning no reply was there. By noon I thought this is the end. After finishing my lunch, when I came back to my cubicle the yahoo mail flashed with “U Got Mail’ icon. I thought it would be mail from my college group. I causally opened it and saw, it was her reply!!!!. It was one of the happiest moments in my life. The mail said nothing more than asking me what she should do. Wish me back happy fool’s day? She also enquired about how I got her mail id and which class we were together. She wrote that she doesn’t remember me by name and may be she’ll recall on seeing me. I explained about the mail id and the class in the next mail. Then in the same mail I asked her to keep in touch. From there onwards every time I get a good mail, my fingers went to the contact list to add her in the address bar but I some how restrained myself. Then it used to be some good morning mails, happy weekends and usual forwards. But she never mailed me back or commented.
It went on for almost two months. Then one fine evening in June I build up some courage to ask her if she have some time to talk to me. I never realized how she would be feeling about these things. One guy from no were comes and introduces himself, announces him to be her old class mate which she doesn’t remember, tries to be her friend even when she’s not at all responding. I never thought from her shoes. i didn’t get a reply. I waited the whole day expecting a mail saying I was busy or couldn’t get time. But nothing happened. Then I got impatient and mailed her asking whether she’s that busy to drop a mail saying her busy state or if she didn't wish to have a friendship. I got the reply the next moment with one line.
“Sorry I’m not interested”.
I stared at the mail for some time, sweated out. I knew the reply was goanna be a grant start or a disastrous end. The latter happened. I didn’t sleep that day. I was hurt deep. I read somewhere that love hurts. I never believed it, but now I’m feeling the pain. Kept on thinking what I had done. Should I have waited a little long before cutting the crab? Before asking her this I had the liberty of dreaming now it’s also forbidden for me. Then I realized there can be a 100 reason why she said something like that. U never knows what is happening within a girl's mind. I still believe she must have recollected my face and had rejected the thought of even having a friendship with me.
In our life you can dream for anything you want. We’ll attain most of the things, but we won’t get some. God knows which one suits us better than we do. So I think she deserves something special not an ordinary guy like me.
So the feeling inside me began to fade down after long lasted glow. I forgot to smile at any thing happening around. But then I realized nothing changed much whatever happened. I removed her from my mailing list so that I won’t disturb her by any means. But I couldn’t remove her from my thoughts; it was rooted much deeper. But I had to get rid of it. I have to be practical and live my own life. I have to accept the life as it comes. I’m not goanna wept on this; I’ll be back with laughter and fun but needed some time for the rebuild. God wanted it this way. With my heart full of love and admiration towards her, the truth remains untold……forever……
The true loved one never realized who loved them and how much…..I thought of leaving all this like this. Then one day I came across a forward asking ‘what I would have done if it’s my last day in life?’ The first thing came to my mind was telling out my love to this gal. I decided then and there, that I’m goanna tell her why I behaved like this. I sent her the link of my first post and completed it with a note ‘I don’t expect a reply’. Even if I badly wanted a reply saying at least a goodbye, nothing came! So an entry added to my list of unsuccessful dreams…..This is the first entry there!
She replied after a week i guess. As the interval came in I was begining to get rid of her memories from my mind. Not easy but I tried hard to do so! The reply was more disappointing as she's engaged and getting married this November. I felt happy that she at least cared to reply saying she don't remember me and she has never tallked to me. It was true....i have never talked to her. I guess I'll never get a chance to do so! Any ways things are headed to an end with a happy knot. I think this is the best thing that has to happen to her i mean the marriage!. The dreams left as dreams itself and i won't ( i'll try not to) have dreams about her anymore. So ....
Fantasies apart …I wish my love even if i cannot address her like that
a happy and eventful life ahead......
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