Trying to get some peace of mind by flushing out my endless- meaningless thoughts!
Disclaimer: Bad thoughts ahead!!!
I think I have a lot of time and not much things to do and I am playing with my mind with lot of un-wanted feelings. A feeling of being not wanted anywhere is nothing new to me, but these days it is pocking its nose in my life a lot more than usual. This feeling got real boosters with things that happened over last weekend. After a small debate over whether to go or not, I ended up in a small lunch out with a group of people, whom already gave me a farewell just three weeks back!
From the group, the moment I arrived, I started getting questions (On a funny note) r u still here? I’m shocked to see you here! Oh my god, I never knew you are goanna be here! Some people just stopped with a surprise look! It is all funny but some where it gets into one’s nerves when we don’t have any other thing on mind. The worst part was to end up watching a movie which was close to a porno movie in the near by theatre with the same group. I felt the genre of the movie going bad from the initial scenes and walked out, but later learned that it was freaking stuff. I think it added to my burning disgusting feeling over ‘me’ to end up there. Some how I manage to end up in the wrong place in the wrong time with the wrong mind set.
The feeling of being not wanted around is not one which is easy to get over. This is one of most overly rated feeling in the IT community where it is very difficult to identify friends over colleagues. In this IT-culture we end up with a group of people on a foreign country just because we have to work together! After being tied up with the same people for a period of time, some how our mind starts to treat them as friends. This mistake I do again and again but never learned ‘how to keep people out of my heart’. But when we get out of the work environment and when work force never make you see / mingle again, we slowly start realizing that it was just another person who was our colleague over a period of time. At times, it is a depressing feeling. It gets worst when we learn about the good things happening with them from a third person which make you convince your realization of colleague and friend.
I think most of the people of my generation reach a level by the age of say 24 / 25 where they cease to make new friends by heart. Most of them just treat any passer by person as ‘passer-by’ and nothing more. I learned that I am one among the amateur fellow who is yet to learn this art of keeping the old friends and treat passer by as ‘passer-by’.
The time I spend lonely in my rented apartment just adds it to all this crap feeling by making sure that I don’t get anything to engage my mind into. On top of it my so called friend’s advice saying, a marriage is a good solution to so called ‘problems’. I don’t think adding another person to my life will ever solve any problems but it might give me some rest by engaging my mind-time in analyzing and making new problems involving the other person : )
I know the above things doesn’t help me in anyway but some how, I have to agree, just writing this out here makes me feel good. I don’t think It will make any sense to people who might read this!
3 comments:
There is an old saying!
When you move away from the world,
The world moves away from you.
But also,
The world appears to be away,
when you are moved away from the world. (loneliness)
Cheer up dude!
Probably you are right. We come across more persons talking for materialistic needs these days. May it is because everyone have their own priorities already and we just happen to be in their path.
But remember there are more persons you might not even know for whom we would be the destination and whom would be in our destination.
On the contrary, it made a lot of sense to me.
You are right about the quick-friends culture in the IT/BPO industry. Not to mention if you go onsite with a bunch people you might not otherwise want to go out for lunch with - and you are forced to a Europe tour with them!
But then don't you agree that though rarely, it does happen that you meet someone terrific through these mundane events. And for some people these become life-changing friendships as well!
# Injey
Thanks man.
As the group says, a bunch of people put together for work, now in different part of the world, connected by emails, lving there own life, but still called 'friends' :D
Yes, hope of finding some destinaiton will thrive us forwrd ... Hope a wonderful word.
# GWBE
Thanks for the comment.
A forced trip around Europe ...OMG,I thought lunch-outs where enough :)
But yes, some how we end up meeting some one terrific at times by luck. But 'luck' is something missing when one needs it the most!
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