World cup 2010 .......

What next ?

The question is what to do next. There are no more interesting videos in youtube. Most of the recent movies in available free websites are over. Read most of blog friends post or they are no more updating (busy with more important things in life). Not hungry, so can avoid cooking for today. Yesterday was not a big problem as the last thing I remember is folks dropping from the conference call making that ‘Beep’ noise which woke me up from sleep. I kept the phone away and closed my eyes, which was like 4:30 in the evening and I opened my eyes on 6 O’clock today morning, one of the best days …

The spring showers and a tornado kept the summer heat away and water in our pool is freezing, so cannot swim L. Tried 64 channels in our cable subscription, but not a single interesting movie and those on ‘On demand’ I can actually write up the script from heart. It was really a rainy evening today and I partially got drenched when ran into my apartment form the car. A nice tea + bread omelet made my evening ….(my roomie was pissed off as his omelet had a little too much salt (my bad))

But what to do next ? I have so many things to write up and post it here but most of the things are blocked due to one or the other reason. May be because some one told me not to write all those or I am afraid that they will read it here and I will get thrashed! It agains another empty passing phase I guess
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Filters.....

It’s been almost a month now since I came from my vacation and just couple of weeks after my trip to my cousin’s place. A dry afternoon on a boring Monday with lots of pending work but I am seriously tired and sleepy! My right eye is twitching and I am unable to concentrate on anything now. To beat the sleep I walked up stairs, almost 8 floors up in 2 minutes and met my roomie / colleague and talked for 10 minutes ( that much to kill my afternoon nap).

To stretch it out, I did Google the reason for ‘Twitching in right eye’ lead to answers like “Causes of myokymia include, nervous system disorders, Staring at the computer or television screen for a long time, stress, fatigue, lack of proper sleep, consumption of too much caffeine and irritation in the cornea or in the conjunctiva of the eye”

From what I remember I slept from 12:00 pm to 6 AM yesterday night, had only one cup of coffee, did not stare more than the usual 12 hours at my computer screen and two hours at the television screen, so I have to blame it on stress and fatigue due to travel (read it as three hours of sleep in New Jersey transit train and Metro North Train). Now back to the heading of my post, yes Filters….As I mentioned earlier, I went to my cousins’ place and I had to watch my vocabulary, jokes and the kind of talks initiated in a family environment and on the way back, I came back to more of me ( bachelor vocabulary’ once I was back at my house). It started a series of thoughts about the kind of filters we use while talking and on conversation depending on whom we talk to and the place where we are.

An ideal scenario would be answering about a simple question ‘How was your weekend?’If it’s my client manager, it goes like

‘Good, went out played tennis, had an eat out, did some driving’

If it’s my cousin, ‘It went well, had a good play with my in law, made him pay for an expensive restaurant, ate and slept well’

If it’s my friend (just a friend), “it was great, had a good time with family and it went very fast’

If it’s my jigidi dosth (read it as one who stays in the circle) “Had a good time, made my in law sweat a lot over tennis, had some good fights with my nephew, had great food at cousin’s place ….

How about you” Basically, the message is, I had a good time, but depending on whom we talk the intensity, the things we share, the way we project it, details …everything around it changes. This is implemented by everyone, applying filters on what we talk, leaving some details and making it sound totally different. The best part is when you get to listen to the things as it happens which will be shared to very few (friends and family)Every moment we open our mouth to talk something in a group, there is a filter in place. These filters, they come in different intensity levels according best possibility on the moment! The best part of it is when you are around someone and then goes with them when they meet their friends, family relative and colleagues and they talk about something that happened where you also were the part of the crowd watching. This is the time when you can seriously watch a filter in work from a third person perspective.

Is this because we can’t be ourselves to everyone? To make an image or just to follow the ‘Social rule’ to be followed as it is painted on everyone? It works well as well defined and well in control filter becomes a part on ones personality ( either imposed or natural filters ) where one decide what to say, what not to say and how to say it.I am just talking about conversation filter here, but the thing is every one of us live behind a mask. The mask which filters out what your mind really want and what one can really express. Some go with the way it comes to their mind but still when they are around their loved ones / influential people, they watch their thoughts or actions.

Back to the topic, as a child I was not aware of having any filter in my mind, as my niece who will ask anything as it comes to her mind and she doesn’t care. As we grow up we tend to pretend or molded to something or someone, sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. As we grow up, we keep on adding too many filters into our life and we lose track of it as we grow old were we just blurt outs things because our filter process is not in place anymore. I think I am carrying a lot of mask / filter lately, I guess that’s the way it works until I lose track and end up blurting out ‘me’ to many as it is!