Compliments.....

How good you are in accepting compliments? Accepting compliments seems to be a very easy thing when it is for something which we have achieved, which was out of our shear hard work and effort. But when compliments are poured in just because one has to, then accepting them becomes a real issue. I got into such a situation recently! I had a tough time to fake ‘Thanks’ just because my name was quoted some where!
The worst part is when the person who gives it away and the person receiving it know that the compliment was for name sake. I will be the happiest person to get a compliment on something I got after I sweat out my best to get it, even when it is just a gully cricket match!

Is it just because of social conditioning or is it the way things work?


What is best way to accept compliments? Turning red on cheeks as unable to control the gush of that ‘eerrrr-hmmm’ feeling on your side neck? Such is the only time when I feel that I am getting Romancham* (hair standing situation) on my cheeks!

But down the line when the best words which are the easily forgotten words and goes down the drain. The words which criticize one, the words which hits one hard, are always scribbled on some hard rock inside ones mind. It will be there all long even when the notions and behavior is changed.

But in reality, what ever the people around say, one should go about how they feel about themselves, rather than being a foot ball of opinions and compliments. It is really tough when the compliments / feedback come from some one close to heart!

The End! The Beginning!

Ways Apart :(

Mom asked me to have some water before leaving. I never used to drink water. That day I was hurrying through my lunch. As usual mom gave me lunch just on time and said she has done as she said with a smile. I couldn’t even touch the rice as it was steaming . I finished my lunch in a hurry, it was filling enough to ensure a good sleep for noon session. On my way out, Pop asked the usual question “At what time your tuition starts?” My pop will always have a question when I’m about to leave . I answered with some tint of frustration “the usual time”. He kept on questioninguntil i gave the answer “The same time which I told you last week”. He was not happy neither me! He again started with his husky voice about my daily schedule. I had my bath just about half past 12 and was rushing through my lunch so that I’ll be in time for my class at 1:15 about three kilometers away from my house. I ran out saying it’s not his problem. He didn’t mind asking about taking his two-wheeler neither sis I. Mom already had given me money to take auto rickshaw. One can always count on their Mom.
The usual place from which I used to get auto rickshaw was deserted. I looked at my watch and started to walk. One empty rickshaw came in the opposite direction and for my luck it turned around and agreed to take me. Once inside the rickshaw I was happy that I had 10 minutes to spare. I thought, I’ll not be late today. On the way there were many extended hands towards my rickshaw and I realized there are not many free rickshaws on this Sunday afternoon.

I noticed one gal with an extended hand towards my rickshaw. Her face was very familiar to me . Yes she is it! After a long break of five years I saw her. Nothing much changed. She had put on some weight. But still I was allured to her eyes. For a moment I thought of asking the rickshaw driver to stop and let her in. Then I realized she won’t be coming in. Any way I didn’t have the courage to do it either! It ignited the whole dream a little more. But even in dreams I behaved the same. My favorite one was the one in which I‘ll be traveling by the train. She comes with the ticket number next to me and takes the seat. I couldn’t start the conversation as I’m afraid to speak to her.


After that I never saw her in my life. But her face is still in my heart. Everyday I think about her at least once. I discussed my dreams and intentions to many of my friends but never disclosed her name because I don’t want to disturb her life. I believe that some day she would get to know what happened to me and who was the cause. But that day never came. With a lot of patience I waited hard and long.
Things were flying around me when I eventually got in to one of the software company just after one moth of completion of my course. No one in my family thought I would make through to my career in my first interview itself. Not even me!
When I went into training I learned that some of my tarine mate are from the Dream gals's college. I casually enquired my friend about the gal. From there I got a clear idea where she is now and how I can reach her. I had a vow in my mind that I won’t be disturbing her. It was almost nine month after my joining date I asked one of my friends to get her e mail id. My friend had friends working in the same company. Since her name was a little peculiar one they didn’t took much time to identify her. After getting her email id I was in a dilemma, should I go ahead or wait for something to happen. I waited impatiently staring at my inbox with a new mail composed for hours. Many of my friends caught me like this but they couldn’t figure it out why I’m like this.

It was on a Friday, April 1st. I was about to leave. Without an after thought I composed a mail saying I’m an old friend of the gal , cannot say friend but had been in same class. Then wished her a happy fool’s day and asked her to keep in touch. I send the mail in a flick of a second because if I think again, I wouldn’t do it. April 2 and 3 was one of the longest weekend in my life. The mail was sent from my yahoo id to her official id. I had added an apology saying about sending mails to her office id. On Monday morning no reply was there. By noon I thought this is the end. After finishing my lunch, when I came back to my cubicle the yahoo mail flashed with “U Got Mail’ icon. I thought it would be mail from my college group. I causally opened it and saw, it was her reply!!!!. It was one of the happiest moments in my life. The mail said nothing more than asking me what she should do. Wish me back happy fool’s day? She also enquired about how I got her mail id and which class we were together. She wrote that she doesn’t remember me by name and may be she’ll recall on seeing me. I explained about the mail id and the class in the next mail. Then in the same mail I asked her to keep in touch. From there onwards every time I get a good mail, my fingers went to the contact list to add her in the address bar but I some how restrained myself. Then it used to be some good morning mails, happy weekends and usual forwards. But she never mailed me back or commented.

It went on for almost two months. Then one fine evening in June I build up some courage to ask her if she have some time to talk to me. I never realized how she would be feeling about these things. One guy from no were comes and introduces himself, announces him to be her old class mate which she doesn’t remember, tries to be her friend even when she’s not at all responding. I never thought from her shoes. i didn’t get a reply. I waited the whole day expecting a mail saying I was busy or couldn’t get time. But nothing happened. Then I got impatient and mailed her asking whether she’s that busy to drop a mail saying her busy state or if she didn't wish to have a friendship. I got the reply the next moment with one line.
“Sorry I’m not interested”.
I stared at the mail for some time, sweated out. I knew the reply was goanna be a grant start or a disastrous end. The latter happened. I didn’t sleep that day. I was hurt deep. I read somewhere that love hurts. I never believed it, but now I’m feeling the pain. Kept on thinking what I had done. Should I have waited a little long before cutting the crab? Before asking her this I had the liberty of dreaming now it’s also forbidden for me. Then I realized there can be a 100 reason why she said something like that. U never knows what is happening within a girl's mind. I still believe she must have recollected my face and had rejected the thought of even having a friendship with me.
In our life you can dream for anything you want. We’ll attain most of the things, but we won’t get some. God knows which one suits us better than we do. So I think she deserves something special not an ordinary guy like me.
So the feeling inside me began to fade down after long lasted glow. I forgot to smile at any thing happening around. But then I realized nothing changed much whatever happened. I removed her from my mailing list so that I won’t disturb her by any means. But I couldn’t remove her from my thoughts; it was rooted much deeper. But I had to get rid of it. I have to be practical and live my own life. I have to accept the life as it comes. I’m not goanna wept on this; I’ll be back with laughter and fun but needed some time for the rebuild. God wanted it this way. With my heart full of love and admiration towards her, the truth remains untold……forever……
The true loved one never realized who loved them and how much…..I thought of leaving all this like this. Then one day I came across a forward asking ‘what I would have done if it’s my last day in life?’ The first thing came to my mind was telling out my love to this gal. I decided then and there, that I’m goanna tell her why I behaved like this. I sent her the link of my first post and completed it with a note ‘I don’t expect a reply’. Even if I badly wanted a reply saying at least a goodbye, nothing came! So an entry added to my list of unsuccessful dreams…..This is the first entry there!
She replied after a week i guess. As the interval came in I was begining to get rid of her memories from my mind. Not easy but I tried hard to do so! The reply was more disappointing as she's engaged and getting married this November. I felt happy that she at least cared to reply saying she don't remember me and she has never tallked to me. It was true....i have never talked to her. I guess I'll never get a chance to do so! Any ways things are headed to an end with a happy knot. I think this is the best thing that has to happen to her i mean the marriage!. The dreams left as dreams itself and i won't ( i'll try not to) have dreams about her anymore. So ....

Fantasies apart …I wish my love even if i cannot address her like that
a happy and eventful life ahead......

First Love !!!!!

First Love
It was a very cloudy afternoon. After school I didn’t feel to go to tuition class. I was afraid because marks will be given for the class test. I didn’t do the test well as I used to. All because of the accident that took place three weeks ago. I had hit an electric post with my bicycle and was thrown on to ground on my chest. It cost me my two front teeth. After spending two weeks in hospital, most painful thing was the smile on everyone’s face seeing me with broken teeth. I was one of the pet students for the tuition teacher. Half mindedly I took my bicycle and started towards the tuition class.

By the time I reached the tuition class it started to drizzle heavily. I hurried through the corridor with a wet head and sprinkles of water on the face. When I went inside the class room I found every one with a tensed face anticipating the terror “Mathematics Teacher”. I usually takes the seat next to the teacher but that day I moved far from my teacher and took the seat right next to the girl’s bench. The next moment teacher entered into the class room. From her face itself everyone realized its going to be a very bad time. She usually starts asking questions while cleaning the black board. She didn’t bother to clean the black board. So it was obvious to everyone that she don’t have any intention to take class. It’s going to be a roller coaster ride for the class. As she took the test paper books every one give a deep sigh. It was as silent as a deserted room. Teacher Priya always arranges the books in descending order of marks. Every one had their eyes clutched on to the heap of test paper books to find which one belongs to them. She took the first book and called a name. It was a girl’s name. I was looking at the next book to check whether it’s mine! She took the next book and called another name. It was my friend’s name who was present at accident spot. He was delighted to hear the mark. But the first mark was only 26 and the second 25 ½ out of 30. Next was my book .I scored the same mark! The ritual continued until she finished round the class. From the mark 15 onwards she was staring at each of the student who she handed the book. She never bothered to give books to those who scored less than 10. Books were thrown out through the window onto the rain!
Teacher started from the girl who scored the highest mark. She commented that it is not supposed to be a highest mark in maths in any class room. Then she turned to my friend who scored 25 ½ and asked where he went wrong. My friend showed the book to teacher and she found out that he went wrong in writing the question itself. In our tution class students has to first take down the questions and then go to their respective places to start answering. So it turned out to be a care less mistake. Madam started to fire him for all the mistakes he had done until now. Once my friend started to weep she turned and looked at me. I always had the reputation of scoring highest among the boys. She didn’t even bother to ask me what happened but started laughing at me. Then she said I have lost every thing along with my teeth. Once the tooth was gone I'm not smiling to any one. She asked me whether I lost my brain too with it! Suddenly every one in the class started to laugh. I had a burning sensation in my heart, an electric signal ran through my spine. I was really fuming. Then I spotted the girl who scored more than me, just a ½ mark seated right next on the bench and was laughing like she had seen some joker. If I had a chance I would have burned her there itself. I looked at the floor in disbelief that I had lost the reputation of brilliance in math. The class finished off with more shouting than any maths theorem. I noticed ,the girl is still struggling to stop the laughter. I decoded in my mind “Every one will have their own share, wait for yours buddy’

I was very early for the next class, first one to be there! With in seconds the girl who laughed at me also entered the class. I realized that she’s struggling to control her laugh watching me all alone in the class. Again I started to feel the heat ! This time I had the courage to stare at her but she didn’t bother to admit the stare. But as I was about to take eyes off her, I realized,I was not staring at her but hazing at her. For the first time in my life I felt some thing that attracted me. Until then when my cricket team hazed at the girls passing by, I used to tease them calling “Wolfs with no lower jaw”.
I looking at that pretty girl with my lower jaw out of control and with a sparkle in my eyes. There it started. In that class I hardly remember any equations that were taught. When ever teacher turned to the black board my eyes went for her. That day I left class thinking why I didn’t spot her before. She was there in the class for more than three months now. I dreamt the sweet smile on her face. I had an image like memory of her face by then.
From the next class on wards I always tried to sit near her. But no one around cared for that. But when ever she looked to my side, I turned my head away. Then I realized some thing is wrong with me. I started to admire her even more ,when she managed to keep pace with me or ahead of me in every test.
I started to look the way she dresses, her handwriting, the way she presented herself. She was pretty in every sense to me. She’s soft spoken with a good accent, always wearing simple jewelry but elegant one. The best thing I found was her intelligence which was always ahead of mine. Those days the questions thrown up to be answered were not volunteered by me anymore . I waited her to stand up and answer so that I could listen to her sweet voice and look at her face without any hesitation. Until and unless I was pointed out to answer ,I always gave her chance. By then I realised her school is the girls’ high school next to my school and we came by the same bus every day. I was silently admiring her . When we completed 10th and went for the PUC I badly need the maths teacher to continue taking tuition until PUC. But I could never even smile at her. Every time she turned and looked at me, I turned to a statue. I always tried to avoid her attention so that I could look at her and admire. Then she went on to the Women’s college to do her PUC and I never meet her again.
As she lives near by my house, every day when I go throuh the junction, I still turns around and look for any traces of her. Then I found out that she had been approached by many big shots , whom she had dumped . I realized I'm in a crowd marathon rather than 100 meter hurdle with only 10 to compete for her. I still feel the untold feeling in my mind is pure love. The untold ones are the once who are really loved…

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