Reciprocal or Recursive ?????

After a break of two years, I had time to spend in Trivandrum, my home town. The place looked a little different with the under pass way, the road widening and the new canal coming up in the MG road. I found it really irritating that u start sweating even if u r not doing anything. Bad effects of being in places with low humidity! I got out of the auto, with a smile paying 20 bugs to an auto driver thinking I would have to pay at least 35 if it was in Bangalore
At home it was a grand welcome as it was my sister’s marriage. I had a glance around my relatives gathering, everyone asking the probable third candidate ( there are still ppl left in my family elder to me to be married).I noticed my nephew who was so tiny when I saw him last time. He was playing with his pop’s mobile.
One thing that amazed me was the generation gap we have. I’m not saying about the generation gap where my pop cannot understand me, buying a cargoes for 1300 where according to him, a sack could have been better with so many pockets. I’m talking about what ppl get at this age and what we got at this age. My nephew’s playing with his dads mobile. He is 2 now and he mocks his father by saying ok, rite in his awful English to the mobile (he hardly speaks anything else other than actions). He even tried to get a snap of my face using that mobile. He knows which button to press and u have to press some thing before talking into the phone and have to press again after talking thru it. At the age of two I haven’t seen a Television. My nephew 23 years younger to me is playing with a camera mobile at the age of 2

I was having a hot tea after the intial grand reception. I overheard a conversation with two of my nephews. One studying in 8th and other in 6th. U guess the topic of conversation! “Quake 4 and it’s minimum requirements”. This fellow is in 6th standard and he speaks about the process requirement and the dual processor utility which gives more gaming options than our usual one. I don’t know the correct requirement for a game until I find out the CD case and search for it at the back. This guy is almost 8 years younger to me. Now I realize that my dad who is almost 34 years elder to me cannot digest many of my thoughts and cannot understand my deeds and ideas. But I’m just 10 years elder to a guy in 10th standard cannot understand his wavelength and his deeds. Believe me when we are at the age of my pop, it is goanna be more difficult than what our parents are facing. This generation gap is a stuff which is reciprocal or recursive! I have to find out which one suit better…..

Summer Weekend in Hyderabad

Things were on a high as I sprang up on Saturday ( apr 1st) after the usual Friday beer party. I slept for two hours as the partying continued until 4 am and I woke up sharp at six. I had some detailed plans for the weekend. Had to wash a bundle of clothes, had to get my bike back after servicing, some beatification on my face as some function is happening next week at home...like that the list goes on. But god had other plans. As we went into the day, things were very bad. I felt the atmosphere is very dry even inside my house. I felt a burning sensation over my skin which was the sweat evaporating rite from the sweat glands. Even after such a bad climate, I stuck on to my plans.
One of the worst things I do, what ever happens switching plans is not my way :(

First the plan was to take 'Dadaa' to hospital and then to go to service centre to get my bike, but the plans changed as we all spend time (doing nothing) browsing thru TV channels and topics of conversations. Finally I and thadi went in search of a bakery as we got hungry. It was already 11:30. The search for bakery took us almost to Somaji guda ( 12 km from where we stay). We ended up in one of the expensive restaurantt where we had to pay 80 bugs for two orange juice and one plate Vada. Still I can't digest how a vada will cost 10 rupees.


We came back after buying some coconut sweets for our fellow roomies. By the time we came back to our flat, it was really hot outside. The sun was steaming down on us. But I kept on with my plans. We went to the SC bank first which was almost 16 km from our flat. After a small confusion we found the bank. There they took 30 minutes to issue dada with a check. After that we went back and on the way back we took a short cut to the service centre which was a very long cut. I had to drive almost 10 km to get back to the service centre from there. In a sense I had circled the Hussein Sager Lake as the short cut we took us to the other side of the lake. Just a reminder, the atmosphere temperature is almost 42 Celsius by that time. I dropped dada at the hospital and went ahead to the service centre. when I reached the service centre by 2'O clock, A closed door with a print out pasted on the door saying 'The service centre will remain closed as today is our stock clearance day, inconvenience regretted' welcomed me. Suddenly one guy opened a small door on the gate and asked why I am there on a holiday.
The hot sun and the shortcut had the best of me, I started asking him for my bike and I wanted to give the bike I was riding for service. The security ( the guy who opened the door) closed it without saying anything and yelled from the back of the gate, "Read out whatever is pasted there"
Then one more guy appeared behind the gate and he came out asking in sarcastic way
( he was the supervisor)

S: Can't you read it , this was there Friday
Me: I Never saw this and the person who took my Bike for service had tols me to comeSaturdayrday
S: can't you see what is written there, should we hang it on our neck for you ppl to see ?

Me: Thats it, i know where to go and what to do! You promised me to give my vehicle on saturday and i came here riding 35 km on another bike and you are not at all listening to me.
I'll make sure that u r no more the autherised service centr in Hyderabad, u don't know what i can do to you.... $%^&*(&*()@#$%@#$%#$%

I took my helmet and was about to start the vehicle, the floor supervisor came and asked me to wait for another 10 mts.I came out riding my bike and gave the other bike for service there.
The ride back home took 30 minutes and i was really tired.
I went into the kitchen , drank one litre water, went in search for my bed.....all i remeber about that saturday is that my friends were having another beer party , but I was not in a state to stand up and walk back to hall.

I was in bed until sunday 3:30 .... drank some more water inbetween.
By sunday evening I gathered courage and water in my body to move around and cook and eat ....


Thats what happens when u r out in sun ( in hyderabad) for four hours ...


Hyderabad summer is an unforgettable memory!!!!

Behind the Dance “Brazil”

Mr. Rahul KV and the glamorous Rajesh (both r my seniors in SUN College) came to our class for collecting names for the cultural activities for this years college day. I was excited about doing a group dance. I had already pulled in Ribin and Leno into this. Both guys are stiff like me and can’t even jump up and down properly. They were filled with energy for a good show on stage or I’ll put it this way, they were the only folks ready to dance with me. So all where set up and we decided on the upbeat song ‘Brazil’ from Venga boys. My cousin (Ranjit) had already danced for this song and it was well received. So I thought I can learn steps from him and teach all these guys. We planed to have a practice on Sunday after our math class.

Usually I go by Auto rickshaw to tution class, but that day I took my cousin’s (Arun) Passion. He was not at home and I found out that he will be way for another week. After the boring class about equations, I and Ribin started to my home. I had to go to my music teacher and tell him some lie so that I can make time for our practice. I had that in mind and was little over the usual speed. Ribin was struggling at times to catch up with me on his scooter.

Then I took the disastrous curve in front of the SP fort hospital in Trivandrum. I saw one auto rickshaw ready to take the straight road in the ‘T’ junction. I was about to pass him and auto took a sharp right turn to bump into me. All I heard was loud thud and I was on four legs in the canal on the corner of the road. Auto rickshaw was sidewise one man standing inside the vehicle. I saw one wheel (must be the spare one) rolling down the road and Ribin stopping next to me. I started to scold him for his signal less relentless turn.
The crowd gathered around, my bike (my cousin’s bike) was not n good shape. The crash guard saved my right leg; also the first impact was on my shoulder and the rest on the vehicle. So the vehicle took most of the damage from the thud. My legs where trembling and Ribin took care of the situation, noting down the auto rickshaw number. I learned that the driver was drunk and he didn’t see me.

One man in crowd asked whether I need to go to a hospital. I was totally out of my mind thinking what I’m goanna say to my pop. I took my bike and started it, its in working condition, Checked my legs and no problem with those. My right hand had a pain which hit the ground while I fell into the dry canal and some bruises all over, but altogether it was ok. I said “no” for hospital. Then the auto guy was about to leave and I started asking for compensation and all. The folks around me asked how much I need and the worst answer ever made by me came out saying 50 bugs.

I still don’t understand why I told 50 RS. The guy was happy to give it at once. One guy confronted Ribin, who was keen in taking down the number. They had a fist fight becoz I already settled everything and that Ribin was still noting down the number. Every one left except a few asking question like, ‘y did I left him’ when everything was in favor for me. Many had a say that I should have made it a police case. All I could manage to think was to get all this done with out the knowledge of my dad.

Ribin was with me until the next junction and then he left to his home. He repeatedly asked me whether he should accompany me. I was thinking that if ribin Accompanies to my home and I face my dad with usual escaping lies, Ribin can be a weak point where my dad will nail me out. So I convinced him about leaving me all alone after having an accident. When I reached home, my mom and sis was waiting for me at the door. One more fellow dance member was there at home waiting in my room for Dance Practice. Seeing my face mom figured out something went wrong. I showed the bruises on my hand and the ill shaped petrol tank and crash guard of my cousin’s bike.

My younger cousin (Ranjit) was also there who was supposed to teach me steps for “Brazil” He took me to the hospital (SP hospital) straight opposite to the accident spot and the bill came around 750. I had a thin hairline crack on my right hand, got a TT injection and a lot of tablets for the bruises. As I’m an expert in hiding wounds and bruises from my father since child hood, it didn’t give much of a problem.
Leno who was waiting for the dance step came along me to the hospital and went home.
I made out some lie to stay in my room for next two day listening to the song
Braziiiiil ….

I had to be one among the audience that year as my accident prevented me from entering the stage. But next year we went up with the same team and danced for the same song 
I made sure that I drive bike very safely or always travel by “Natraj transport”. Song Brazil gives me nostalgic moments about the college days and a much feared memory about a freaky accident.

My Pet Precious

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Poly Times

On the way to Kottayam with my dad, I saw the Nattakom polytechnic for the first time. It was a great campus with road climbing up the hill towards the principal’s room. The building was painted with usual yellow and brick color as all the government buildings. I was too scared in the first day. A pool of strangers all elder to me. I never made out who is senior and who my classmate is? From the first day onwards going for lunch and the morning and evening walk thru the corridor to the bus stop was a horror. Any time u might end up in front of the bunch of seniors.
I was caught up by the seniors on the third day. They made me sing national anthem in front of my class under an open umbrella. But the scene was very funny and they didn’t scare me. I was staying with my father for the first six months and then alone in the same quarter room as he got transferred back home.
Then loneliness had an effect on me. For the first time in life I had to walk through a cemetery in night to reach my quarter. I stayed in the third floor of the civil station directly under the water tank. Some times u can see water drops dripping from the ceiling at night. The scariest part was a peculiar sound which was repeated every night around 2 O’clock. Many days it left me parying at midnight hearing the noice.One day I had the courage to get out of my room in the deserted civil station and look for the source of sound. It left me laughing hard to find out an overflow tap and its lid causing the noise. The tank overflowed in the same fashion at the same time everyday making the noise :)
There was a time in my life when I was afraid of drunken people and now I'm living as one among them. I didn't feel much difference other than these guys when boozed talks a lot and they hardly think when they got the 'Kick'. Every weekend I travelled back home and the four hour train journey from kottayam to Trivandrum was another experience. I had friends from different railway stations as we see each other every week. I was taken aback from one incident in Trivandrum railways station when I was waiting for my Train 'Venad' on one cold monday early morning around 4:30. One guy approached me and he requested me some thing unnatural. I realised that the folks called' Homosexual" existed in Kerala also. I was horrified and I ran from that place without thinking again or looking back.

I shifted to the famous ‘Geethayalam’ after first year at polytechnic ( Poly)."Geethalayam" is my house name. There I had my distance cousin and six other room mates. The days at “geethalayam” are really memorable. From there onwards I started to see a new world. The class ended up more boring as they were deep inside chemistry searching for new names for carbon structures. One of the funniest moments was when my class mate suggested the name ‘SABU’ when our teacher was struggling to find the name of a big stereo specific olygomer.
From geethalayam, my first visit to bar, to adult movie, to toddy shop, to the famous Karibinakala( A famous toddy shop were the food is so tasty even family used to visit this place, on the MC road bank between Kottayam and Changnashery) shaap all happened. I have never tasted hot drinks but I tried “madhura kallu” from one of the toddy shop. It was really good. But things were going worst. I had my first supplementary ( Back paper)when my first year results came. It was mathematics. My tution teacher who taught me until 10th would never believe as her best student some how managed to get 32 out of hundred in mathematics.
I have hardly seen movies at theatre when I was at home in Trivandrum. There will be one or two in a year when my mom or dad finds some movie very interesting. But once I got into geethalayam, it was all a different world. Ended up in at least two movies every week. There the language and the cast didn’t matter. Also I started to learn cooking. Managed to end up on curry which was supposed to be a solid dish :). Thanks for the guidance from my roommates.
It was a horrible experience when one of my roomie vomited after having a mix of vine+ Hard drinks+ toddy. But my room mates were all cool saying “it’s a part of the game’.
But the trips from the toddy shop to home after the usual meals were not funny for me. All the other guys are boozed up and I’m the only one left out. So these guys never feel ashamed to do anything they wish and I end up in getting bashed up. Some of the things happened r way beyond writing it here.
There were peculiar characters and names in our college as it would be in everyone’s college. One was Augestus alias Jiju. He is 5’9”, strong built and a pair of sharp eyes. He was of 23 but he looked atleast 26. He always smokes and the big drinker( Pambu according our dictionary) in our room. He can drink six bottle of toddy and still go with a steady head and drive his bike home. Then next one was Shankaran who will skip his dinner through out a week to see the Friday release film .
There were some other fellows from which I learned money doesn’t come that easily to everyone. There were people who have to go for rubber taping to get his bus fare everyday. They were always very serious with their studies but the whole geethalayam gang never took anything serious.
We were always late to the classes, always bunked Friday afternoon lab hours. Some how or the other manged to bribe the attendance clerk to keep minimum attendance . Our house owner had a good looking grant daughter who was centre of attraction at Geethalayam.
Every alternate day ended in booz parties, learning and assingments happened only on year ends.It was heaven. We were never tensed about where we are headed or what will happen to our career. But in exams some how all managed to get a pass mark. In practicals it will be the backbenchers who always scored. There were only six girls in the class of total strengh of 44. So a friendship with them seemed too far away. Second year went with out much events. Third year started of with our ragging episode where we manged to rag even the passout guys :(

Our weekends where filled with trips to different toddy shops, beaches, wild life sanctories and all. The aim was only one things, to get boozed and enjoy. We tried things like gymkhana which ended after two weeks, dance preparation which lasted for two weeks before arts day. Our roommate 'Kalyan Kumar' was humiliated in the arts day as our vice principal pulled the curtain the momentum Kalyan started singing. I never had the courage to be on stage. My Kttappan ( original name cannot be disclosed) manged to begin and countinue 6 lovers from different year across the branches. He is talented guy to have six lovers and to tackle everyone in the same campus without any intervention with each other. The best part waht he maintained the same tempo until the final day in three years.
There was lines building up as our superjunior batch had a lot of good looking gals. But luck never struck me or I was rather not on the look out. Our class mate Sunitha got engaged and the reason for booz uprty that day was heart break of my friend and room mate Pamman ( original name cannot be dislosed).
In the third year we had our arts day and our class rep was suspened on that day for getting into "uncultural activites" on stage. He was half drunk and he showed too much on the stage. The same guy was again suspened as he wrote a story for our story writing competetion where our organic xhemistry miss was the heroine and Augestus the hero.

After the third year results I havn't met anyone other than my cosuin. Those were the golden days where no limits for fun ....

My First Flight!!!

I was on a south Indian trip last weekend...I was covering Hyderabad to Bngalore, then to Kottayam. From there to my home a t trivandrum. From there to Hyderabad via Chennai. ( In two days)
All this was to attend my Roomie's marriage and visit home after a four month break. My friend(room mate alias Thadi) bo0ked tickets from Trivandrum to chennai and I booked it from chennai to hyd.Thadi told me that the flight is @ 3:30I reached airport by 2:30,then gave my e ticket to get the boarding pass.
The counter gal said I have a problem, as the flight left at 03 30 :) It was 24hr clock,it left in the morning so I was stranded in TVM with no flight to reach chennai for my connection flight at 7. Then I saw my frind Ibnu, The guy in HP, bnglre, my kalikoottukaran. His father is the Customer relation officier in TVM airodrome.Got help from his father, raised an emergency ticket to chennai, got hold of one economy class at rate of 6.5k ....Was seated next to film star Devan (villan in malayalam).
The air hostess was good looking, but I was not in a mood to enjoy her company. One thing she wall tall, I mean almost 5'9" or 5' 10"( Kollamayirunnu ..;), came to me and said ,
"This kind of stuff happens ( Ticket no show) and don't feel bad ..cheer up".
she can say all that, I lost 2.5 k on the first ticket and spend another 6.5 k on the emergency ticket. How can i cheer up :) ?
Then the next episode in chennai...My cousin had gifted me a key chain 'A sword like thing with a bell at the end'. It was made of metal and had a very sweet sound from the bell.It was in my baggage and went for baggage check in. The equipment started with a loud beep in Chennai and the crowd gathered around questions were fired around..
"whose Bag is this?????"
"Why do u carry a sword in ur bag and all :)"

I took out the "weapon" and explained it to him...whts it!I took out all the keys and gave her my Key chain... She looked aorund and called a senior officer and he came to me asking my details.
After seeing my Infy id, he said, "keep ur keychains inside the bag and don't take it out on the fligh and carry on ".
Then he showed me one big board placed next to the security counter which read
" Take out coins, razor, belts and keychain befoe giving ur baggage for security check" :D
I had a big embarrasing smile on my face and the officier told me to clear the place :)

"Njan vishalamayi oru chammi ya chiri chirichu, angoru pokolan paranju :D"

So the first flight was eventfl and I have learnt a costly lesson that the Flight timings are alwys in 24 hrs clock and one has to take keychains out of the baggage before giving it for security checks :D. One costly lesson.

Hyderabad ! My Short Term Transfer !

The life of a software engineer is always full of uncertainties. This was yet another example. On a Wednesday morning, October 5th, my Project manager came to my cubicle. I was playing with registries and dll's as usual using my MSI editor tool. He pulled a chair from the next cubicle and sat with me. Began to ask about my future plans. Slowly the topic slipped into the technology I'm working with which is ' Windows Installer Technologies'. My instinct said something bad is coming.Then the question came
PM: Ramesh, "How Much u r interested in learning one more tool for Windows installer?" My answer should be a YES, and I gave it away.
Next question came like this
PM:-" How much comfortable r u relocating ur self into another place on a short notice".

This question sounded like they r gonna send me onsite. So I have to say I'm comfortable. Now comes the real hard hitter
PM:-“ So Ramesh, Get ready for a journey as u'll have to attend training on a new tool and get into a new project in Hyderabad, u'll have to report there my next Monday". This is how the transfer traps are laid...But this was all official.
I was getting bored up with Bangalore life. Things were getting into a mess. I was stuck up with a bad routine. Everyday the same bus, different faces, but no body cares to smile as ‘being social’ is not easy for a software engineer! In office it always end up as same food, same kind of work and same ppl all around you. I needed a break, little fresh air, to get out of my comfort zone and do something refreshing. I badly needed change from my cubicle at least. So god gave it this way.
My journey to 'Hyderabad' started with one of colleague who also fell into the same trap, but in her case she asked for the transfer.The journey started with a lot of things happening. My colleague’s auto rickshaw was hit by a BMTC bus on the way and we had to keep the bus waiting for 20 minutes. The driver was moving the bus a few inches every now and then, but she was able to make it in time. Her friend was also there helping me out to keep the bus waiting!!! We were standing in front of the bus ensuring that the bus won't leave without us!
The hotel booked by our company was not up to the cooperate standards. The rooms were small compared to what we had in Bangalore. But it's paid by our company and that too on for one week, " Sub kuch chlata hey". My colleague who traveled was a northy from ‘Bareli’. Being with her for some time, my Hindi improved (if u can call moving from 1 to 2 in a scale of 10 as an improvement). Still I struggle with the gender problems of Hindi. Some time it’s for the Subject and sometime its for the object, but I was catching up quickly. Hyderabad seems to be less crowded than Bangalore. May be I haven’t gone into the crowded places. Lot’z of places to visit in Hyderabad.
There was a Half Marathon going on in Hyderabad and I was very happy to finish 10 km in one hour 8 minutes. I was running after a break of 8 years. The last time I ran was in my High school and I don't remember the chronological place as there was more than 25 participants and I was among the last five to finish.
Another fellow who fell into this transfer trap was also in there, who traveled before me. He was enjoying things at Hyderabad. He called himself a 'Daarobaaz' and enjoyed the new buch of folks he got at hyderabad for 'Boozing'.He was focusing on a good cycle of 'daro bazz' in the next quarter with entries from all the good pubs in Hyderabad topped with an entry in 'Goa' around the Newyear! He told me about the corperate nights happening in one of the pub which was pretty much interesting for me. I had plans to visit the place but struggled to find a good company and time. I was shocked to find my reporting project manager as this was the same fellow who rated me bad on communication skills because I had spelling mistakes on my first mail to him. This guy can hardly say an English word properly but kept on saying
" Ramshzz U have to improve ur communication skilshzzz otherwishzzze itszzz not going to work out!!!"
I kept a note in my mind not to take a ride from him this time. The first day itself he pointed out me about the onsite account getting locked. The real problem was there was an automatic logging enabled and it got locked. PM raised my name and told me hard on face that i have to be watchful with my passwords. I gave him back then and there stating the problem and how I’m not a part of it.Then his managing skills sprang up and the usual sentence followed.
" Rameshzzz U have to take it from a poszzzistive frameee of Mind...".
I got accommodation with my friend from my X-project. I was very happy with the 3BHK flat and the group to which I was introduced. There were three guys from a US based MNC with the same name Arun, so we ended up calling by their father's name. There was one more guy from another US based company who was the senior most in the house. The house had everything a bachelor will need. TV, DVD player, PC with 24 hr internet connection, washing machine, good company for cards, for booze up, smoking, for everything ;). I started to like things around except my PM. But that also got resolved with in one week as the PM got into a new project and went onsite. Poor client ppl as he flew to Japan! They are defentily gonna suffer.

I started to look for some interesting faces in our floor, basically my PU (project Unit). One girl was little attractive and bold, but as us usal good faces are always booked :D. Our company has a reputation for good looking gals but in Hyderabad it was different. The concentration was far below what we had in Bangalore. No hard feelings Hyderabhadiyan's, it depends a lot on beholder of the eye. I never found anything interesting in Hyderabad apart from some faces which stole some glances. As things were getting settled, it got rattled again by a mail from my SPM (senior Project Manager) saying that our project is held up for another two months. So we three from Bangalore got held up in Hyderabad on bench doing some 'Phaltu' work as my colleague will phrase it!
We had nothing to do until another PM started to bug us for some innovative ideas for the process we are dealing with. It was nothing innovative and we figured it out that the job was just to keep us with work until the project is kicked off.
I got to attend three treats as it was a birthday season from my X project mates. Went to Hussein Sager lake, hotel Paradise and had Hyderabadi Biriyani!!!. I have heard a lot about it but I didn't find it tastier. The biriyani was too rich for me! I luv my old Kerala chicken biriyani :D. Went to IMAX and saw the movie 'Harry Potter and Globlet of Fire', one among the only two of that kind in India.I have to admit, the screen is too big for my eyes and it was a memorable experience. The ‘Necklace road’ and ‘Eat Street’ is a good place to spend an evening if you have a good company. But we 'the mallu' group from my room was left stranded looking at couples there. One guy from our room was getting married by Jan. This was the second part of a two year old love story. We had fun teasing this guy about his future plans and the ealry inroad to the nuanses of life.
I tried a lot of new things here like Gym, Aerobics and all. I got inspired from by my colleague. The funniest thing in Aerobics was I was the only beginner who created the maximum headache for the trainer as I erred steps and always disrupted the rhythm. But as usual the regularity for health governing activates began to fade with weeks.. By December first week I got information from my PM asking me to apply for Sweden VISA and to prepare for my first assignment abroad.
Things started off good but later I came to know that there are only remote chances for me to make it to ‘Onsite’. The work permit application got stuck up as the consulate found it difficult to find my face in the dark back ground photo and asked for a white background photo. I should have smiled with my teeth out to ensure that they can locate at least a white strip in the photo… Still I was happy to be in a good project which might come up. By December third week, the Project for which I was transferred got started and all the team members started to work. I was the lone boy left out from the group to one of the corner cubicle waiting for the project which might come up during the next month.

Life is always full of uncertainties. I came here for one project but ended up doing some other work and found my way to some other project which is a long way ahead to start. A thing starts to look very exciting for a moment and it fades off. The off beat mode of a person springs up suddenly from no where to heights of excitements. Life is not always fare with anyone. When it’s playing fair, express the thanks to thee and when it goes the other way ask god for strength to play with the unfair life.
Looking forward to yet another spree in ONSITE.... I'll come up with my next post...
'My First Onsite Visit'

Rain It's different for me now !!!

It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature. Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer. . I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.

My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.

I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.

The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.

It’s true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.

Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,

XYZ,

I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.

Regards,
Me.

Author:- Unknown, but the character is almost the same as me :(

A night in Volvo :)

The air conditioner was switched off inside the bus. Felt like I'm inside a boiler. Time was 3:30 and the bus is parked under direct sunlight in front of Sangeetha College. I gave attender my ticket and he gave me the boarding pass. I took it and the seat number was 40. I looked at him in disbelief. I asked him whether I'll get another seat. He said he'll try, be happy with the last seat in the corner for time being. I recalled my dad's words" seat is conformed but no seat number".I tried to push-in my bag to the overhead rack but it was too big. Usual i managed to push it in. So i have to keep it on my lap. I sat at the rear end of the bus wondering where I'll be tomorrow.
The passengers where a lot different from the usual bunch. I spotted two foreigners in the third seat, a black in the seat in front of me and one gal and her mom have a look of "chinkes" but dressed up like Europeans. There was one more fair lady in seat number 26 keeping all her luggage on the next seat. She already had a fight with the bus attender when he said , the seat is booked for someone else and the lady cannot keep luggage inside the bus. But she's tough I guess!

The aircondition was too cold when bus got started but I had my overcoat. The fun began as the guy in front of the tough fair lady moved his seat a little back so that he can sleep. The lady was having her leg inbetween the seat. As the guy moved it back, she began to scream out of pain. No body screams like that for a small thing like this. Then the culprit( the guy in the front seat)
asked " Mam, what happened ?"
(Fair Lady ) FL: Why did u do that ? U broke my leg U U :^*@ &*^^!!!!
(Culprit ) C: Sorry mam, I didn't see u had ur leg inbetween
FL: I'm not gonna leave u, U %&$#@ Now saying sorry to me AUUH my leg
C: turned back and said in Malayalam ," Do anyone scream like this for getting their leg inbetween two cushioned seat!!!!"
Then happened the most incredible thing, the Fair lady went to the bus cleaner and complained about the culprit. Then she came back and startd to make calls, first one was to one of her friend in Indian Express News paper, then one call to some Ministers's secretary.
Call was all about "The misbehaviourof a keralite to a foreigner :(".

The culprit had a red face and he didn't know what to do. Once the fair lady stopped talking, the other two chinkees joined her and they started to curse people around them. The major discussion was about the illiteracy of Indians, about our manners ( according to them , we don't have any).

Most frustrating thng that I saw there was no one in the bus was willing to comment or to take part in this heated discussion. They all have their own things to bother and the innocent fellow was left without any sleep until the bus stopped for dinner. I was little worried about the culprit and invited him to take the seat next to me. Fortunately the seat was empty until we finished our journey and the fair lady was happy with the leg space for her when no one was seated in front of her. Fir this journey she occupied three seats in effect, one to put her luggage, one for her and the one in front of her :) Luckly as we were in the last row of the bus, no one was there to put their leg inbetween our seat ;)

A job an Interview away !!!!

courtesy : Title of this blog, i have taken from a malayalam movie named 'Bhagyavaan' , *ing Sreenivasan, Jagathy and more.( Written by Vyshag)

'Alabhya Labhya Shree'


Most of you might have got some difficulty in reading and understanding the title, feel sorry for that. This is juz like a diary notes of around 1.5 years of a mighty jobhunter . Vyshagh. C, passed out in the year 2004, ECE batch from SCET with 78% aggregate(have to admit that its of no use). Thinking about the life ahead, found that i need a job very badly. Started applying for jobs even before getting expelled from the college. Started my RUN of recruitment tests with IT giant INFOSYS. Just 15 days after finishing my final exam, i wrote for Infosys at Christ College, Bangalore.,'ahaa' , no chance of clearing the test. So the very 1st first one itself was an utter failure. It was followed by a crap organisation in Chennai named DSRC. As before, came back happily. Again it was CTS(in shreds), but no way.....

By june mid of 2004, i thought of moving to Bangalore. Nandu also was ready to shift. That time, we were very busy in droping the resumes, contacting some friends and relatives, to get the news regarding openings. Also thinking about some courses to be done along with. And finally decided to join for a course on 'software testing' and STAG s\w, seeing some of our seniours doing the course and geting placed. Mean time we attended MindTree, GoRemote and also TCS walkin which was cancelled later. One and half month course was over by september and we were eagerly waiting to see what will happen next. In between Nandu got an offer from NEST in cochin. So he went back to homeland. He was pretty happy with that job, riding own pulsar and weekend visits to home. As a result i was alone in bangalore in the later part of my job hunt.

With the experience of 4 or 5 uncleared test, i have started recognising the blunders i was doing in the tests. As i made some genuine attempts, i cleared the tests of Surya soft and Tata Infotech. There was only 1 round of intrview for both, but i couldnt make it, even though one of the top directors of Suryasoft was my relative. Ramesh, through with Infosys and also Thomas got some BPO job, both landed at bangalore. STAG s\w, where we did the course, called me for an intrview as i had a good marks in the final test they made. I could make through with thier intrview, and they told i will be called in 1 month to join. Happy to hear that and thought of visiting home and come back for joining when they give me the date. I went home and told all my relatives and friends about this. 1 month was over, 2 months, 6 months...now its almost 1 year , no calls yet(Note No:1).

Throwing STAG to waste bin, again started writing tests. Tata Elxsi, SAP Labs, Huawie, LnT Infotech, Accenture, Satyam and it goes on. A few, out in 1st round, few 2nd round and few final round. SHARP s\w in ITPL called me for a test, i cleared the test and 1 round of technical intrview and they told of calling me later. Later Nandu also did the same. When contacted later, they told that we both are ready to be acquired, no more interviews and will call us later. Again much happy to hear that....but till date no calls yet....(Note No:2).

Subex sytems was the next, called me for the opening in testing field. 2 hectic days inside their office resulted in 4 rounds of interview-3 tech rounds and 1 HR. I dont know how i cleared 3 tech rounds. For the HR interview there was only 2 of us and some 1 told that they have opening of 6. So we both have pretty confidence of clearing HR, also the interview was pretty good and cool. After all the HR guy was TVM vala mallu, so confidence raised. 2 days later they called me, told we both have cleared the interview and get ready to join. They gave us the joining date, training and salary details. I called my home and told the matter. It was the day of father's retirement. So when he addresed in function, told them 'On the day i am steping down, my son is going to join'. But later, the next day, the Subex people called me again and told that they have to rethink about the decision and so please hang on. Still hanging for thier call....!!!What to do..u tell..(Note No:3).

Now it was almost the 2005 batch people are ready to come out from campus. I fled to Chennai, inorder to write GE. That time i got a call from Syntel also. With bear hand, i gave a blind attempt on Syntel and cleared the test. The interview was on the same day and it was april 2nd - Kochi 1day international b\w India and Pakistan. So even just before getting into the interview cabin, i was asking Krishnakumar(my friend) about the score. He just gave me hardcore glare and after that told me score checking in his mob. When got into the room, the 1st question from him was 'Whats the score ?'. ohh god.. so i am pretty happy to deliver him the latest scoreboard. The interview was very cool, and at the end he showed me the marks he hav put for me in each category of knowledge, english, academic performance and presentation and altogether he put some 17 out of 20. He asked 'vot do u think, vil u make thru with this'. I said i am not sure. he showed some other paper where there he have to tick his openion on me..rejected, recomend for another round of interview, selected, with held. He ticked 'selected' infront of me and asked me not to tell any1 about the result. The HR people will be telling you in proper way. And on april 13(day b4 VISHU), syntel HR called me and told me that my offerletter will be send to home within 2days. I felt that i got the most valuable 'vishu kaineettam'.. after a week mom called me and told the offer letter is there. The date of joining was May 29. But just 5 days before my joining date they called me again and told me that my joining date have been postponed and later they vil inform me...now its almost september..so almost 3 months..till now no news from them.....(Note No:4)....

And the final name that have to be added to this list is VERIZON. One of the most highly paid company for a fresher. Cleared the test, cleared the technical interview, they told no more interview. Filled their employment form and all. I heard they shortlisted around 300 including me, and have taken about 100 in june last. Unfortunately i was not able to be a part of that gang. After that i happened to hear that, they took another set of people yesterday. Vyshagh's name not included in that also. (Note No:5)

Stag, Sharp, Subex, Syntel, Verizon - all clearing the rounds of interview, iam not able to join anywhere. Almost 32 tests and 18 intreview in 14 months. I wish no1 should tire this much insearch of a job. Now i give u a chance, u can predict in which of the given company vil i join, or should i continue my run for the next name to be added to this list...?

Comapany Name - Location - Salary / month
STAG - Bangalore - Rs.7,500
SHARP - Bangalore - Rs.12,500
SUBEX - Bangalore - Rs.16,667
SYNTEL - Chennai or Pune or Bombay - Rs. 16,667
VERIZON - Chennai or Hyderabad - Rs.25,000
'Name that u can add'
Poll Back
Vyshagh Alabhya~labhya~shree

Sun Times .......

Fun with Police

The road was quiet dark. When I said it out Ribin started to make fun of my comment asking. “How the road should be at night 2 O clock?” But it can have street lights. That’s what I’m meant. All these guys want to pull my legs. The next contender was still immersed in the movie. It was really a violent movie. He’s still clinging on to the last scene were the hero pierces his index finger to the villain’s throat. ‘Oh man the scene was cool ...’ and added to the already existing list of special effects. The movie was kind of bizzard. The language was too tough even for me (I’m the one who is more exposed to Tamil in the trio). We went out of main road were there was very little light. From there we had to take a right turn to head towards the YMCA hostel. As we reached the junction, the small crowd which came out of the theater thinned away.

We reached the junction and took the right turn. Now the road is barely visible but we kept on moving. All we can see is the junction ahead, some 500 feet away. The next street light!
As we reached some quarter of the distance two head lights were visible at the junction. The vehicle was moving slowly. It passed the junction and went to the left. Then I had a doubt whether it was a night patrol vehicle. I shoot a question in air about it. The vehicle is not gone yet. It came back towards the junction . Then it took a turn towards our road. Suddenly it stopped. Then the dim light was switched to bright. We three were walking towards the vehicle. Ribin started to ask me about our college ID cards. Those two guys had it and I didn’t. Leno searched pocket of his ill colored track suit for the counter foil of the Movie ticket. We could see he was visibly shaken by the presence of the police jeep. We didn’t change our speed. Slowly steadily we reached near the jeep.
On first look I realized it’s the circle inspector on the friend seat. I have seen him many times near our college and in the town. He’s a well built, heavy man with piercing eyes and a round face. Ribin was ok with his composure and I could barely see Leno. I had turbulence inside me as I donn’t have Icard. I thought in mind !!! Man this is goanna be a long night for us. We kept on moving as if we are not concerned about the police.
The CI asked us which a grunt voice “Where are u guys going?” I stooped beside the front window of the jeep “sir went for a second show”. CI “which Movie”
Me:“Sir Virumaandi”
CI: “Howz the movie”
Ribin” Its Ok sir, but too much of violence”
CI: “where u guys are staying”
Me: “In the YMCA hostel”
CI: “Which college “
Me “Our College name” (I don’t want to announce my college name here! It will a publicityfor our college ;) )
CI: “ U ppl come here to study or to see movies ? Ur parents sent u to get here , do ur course perfectly and get some job. Look at ur self! Right out in the night going for crap movies “

Me; “Sir it was one of my friends birthday, we don’t usually go for movies and all , just a celebration”
CI: “Ok ok go home …. Don’t get into my hands any more ok?”
Me: “ok sir”

We three started to walk towards the rear end of the jeep; suddenly one constable came out of the jeep and told us to get in. We were terrified for a moment! Then regaining my composure I asked him “ but CI said to go home”
Constable:” Is it so sir”
CI: “Leave them na …kids…just a celebration “
Leno was the guy nearest to him
Constable:” hey u there, come here”
Leno went near him
“Now blow out”
Leno tried doing it but...no air to come out …he tried hard but still the same.
He was gasping for air to blow out! But nothing came out

Ribin and I was struggling to keep our mouth from a bursting laugh. The police jeep went and we started towards the room. It took hardly two minutes to reach Leno's room.
On the way no one talked. Once we reached the room, three of us started to laugh. We laughed until we had stomach ache.

Soul !

I close my eyes i see her,I wish i could close them for ever,

Not wanting to open them to find her gone,It's been a long time that i have smiled,

A smile that is not fake, a smile from my heart,With filled eyes,

I sit there gathering strenght,Gathering strenght to let go,

Let go of everything,I sit there starring at those empty bottles,

Even they couldn't give me relief,Even they couldn't help me forget,

I sit there starring at the luring shine,Finally i make the cut and let it flow,

I make the cut deep enough, as deep as my sorrow,

Deep enough to sink me, sink my sadness,I can feel myself geting empty,

Empty of the pain and the sorrow, empty of the life,

The blarring in the eyes, the faintness in the head gives me,

Gives me a sense of freedom, gives me a sense of relief,

As I close my eyes i see her,I smile at last, after a long time.....

:- Author Unknown

The End! The Beginning!

Ways Apart :(

Mom asked me to have some water before leaving. I never used to drink water. That day I was hurrying through my lunch. As usual mom gave me lunch just on time and said she has done as she said with a smile. I couldn’t even touch the rice as it was steaming . I finished my lunch in a hurry, it was filling enough to ensure a good sleep for noon session. On my way out, Pop asked the usual question “At what time your tuition starts?” My pop will always have a question when I’m about to leave . I answered with some tint of frustration “the usual time”. He kept on questioninguntil i gave the answer “The same time which I told you last week”. He was not happy neither me! He again started with his husky voice about my daily schedule. I had my bath just about half past 12 and was rushing through my lunch so that I’ll be in time for my class at 1:15 about three kilometers away from my house. I ran out saying it’s not his problem. He didn’t mind asking about taking his two-wheeler neither sis I. Mom already had given me money to take auto rickshaw. One can always count on their Mom.
The usual place from which I used to get auto rickshaw was deserted. I looked at my watch and started to walk. One empty rickshaw came in the opposite direction and for my luck it turned around and agreed to take me. Once inside the rickshaw I was happy that I had 10 minutes to spare. I thought, I’ll not be late today. On the way there were many extended hands towards my rickshaw and I realized there are not many free rickshaws on this Sunday afternoon.

I noticed one gal with an extended hand towards my rickshaw. Her face was very familiar to me . Yes she is it! After a long break of five years I saw her. Nothing much changed. She had put on some weight. But still I was allured to her eyes. For a moment I thought of asking the rickshaw driver to stop and let her in. Then I realized she won’t be coming in. Any way I didn’t have the courage to do it either! It ignited the whole dream a little more. But even in dreams I behaved the same. My favorite one was the one in which I‘ll be traveling by the train. She comes with the ticket number next to me and takes the seat. I couldn’t start the conversation as I’m afraid to speak to her.


After that I never saw her in my life. But her face is still in my heart. Everyday I think about her at least once. I discussed my dreams and intentions to many of my friends but never disclosed her name because I don’t want to disturb her life. I believe that some day she would get to know what happened to me and who was the cause. But that day never came. With a lot of patience I waited hard and long.
Things were flying around me when I eventually got in to one of the software company just after one moth of completion of my course. No one in my family thought I would make through to my career in my first interview itself. Not even me!
When I went into training I learned that some of my tarine mate are from the Dream gals's college. I casually enquired my friend about the gal. From there I got a clear idea where she is now and how I can reach her. I had a vow in my mind that I won’t be disturbing her. It was almost nine month after my joining date I asked one of my friends to get her e mail id. My friend had friends working in the same company. Since her name was a little peculiar one they didn’t took much time to identify her. After getting her email id I was in a dilemma, should I go ahead or wait for something to happen. I waited impatiently staring at my inbox with a new mail composed for hours. Many of my friends caught me like this but they couldn’t figure it out why I’m like this.

It was on a Friday, April 1st. I was about to leave. Without an after thought I composed a mail saying I’m an old friend of the gal , cannot say friend but had been in same class. Then wished her a happy fool’s day and asked her to keep in touch. I send the mail in a flick of a second because if I think again, I wouldn’t do it. April 2 and 3 was one of the longest weekend in my life. The mail was sent from my yahoo id to her official id. I had added an apology saying about sending mails to her office id. On Monday morning no reply was there. By noon I thought this is the end. After finishing my lunch, when I came back to my cubicle the yahoo mail flashed with “U Got Mail’ icon. I thought it would be mail from my college group. I causally opened it and saw, it was her reply!!!!. It was one of the happiest moments in my life. The mail said nothing more than asking me what she should do. Wish me back happy fool’s day? She also enquired about how I got her mail id and which class we were together. She wrote that she doesn’t remember me by name and may be she’ll recall on seeing me. I explained about the mail id and the class in the next mail. Then in the same mail I asked her to keep in touch. From there onwards every time I get a good mail, my fingers went to the contact list to add her in the address bar but I some how restrained myself. Then it used to be some good morning mails, happy weekends and usual forwards. But she never mailed me back or commented.

It went on for almost two months. Then one fine evening in June I build up some courage to ask her if she have some time to talk to me. I never realized how she would be feeling about these things. One guy from no were comes and introduces himself, announces him to be her old class mate which she doesn’t remember, tries to be her friend even when she’s not at all responding. I never thought from her shoes. i didn’t get a reply. I waited the whole day expecting a mail saying I was busy or couldn’t get time. But nothing happened. Then I got impatient and mailed her asking whether she’s that busy to drop a mail saying her busy state or if she didn't wish to have a friendship. I got the reply the next moment with one line.
“Sorry I’m not interested”.
I stared at the mail for some time, sweated out. I knew the reply was goanna be a grant start or a disastrous end. The latter happened. I didn’t sleep that day. I was hurt deep. I read somewhere that love hurts. I never believed it, but now I’m feeling the pain. Kept on thinking what I had done. Should I have waited a little long before cutting the crab? Before asking her this I had the liberty of dreaming now it’s also forbidden for me. Then I realized there can be a 100 reason why she said something like that. U never knows what is happening within a girl's mind. I still believe she must have recollected my face and had rejected the thought of even having a friendship with me.
In our life you can dream for anything you want. We’ll attain most of the things, but we won’t get some. God knows which one suits us better than we do. So I think she deserves something special not an ordinary guy like me.
So the feeling inside me began to fade down after long lasted glow. I forgot to smile at any thing happening around. But then I realized nothing changed much whatever happened. I removed her from my mailing list so that I won’t disturb her by any means. But I couldn’t remove her from my thoughts; it was rooted much deeper. But I had to get rid of it. I have to be practical and live my own life. I have to accept the life as it comes. I’m not goanna wept on this; I’ll be back with laughter and fun but needed some time for the rebuild. God wanted it this way. With my heart full of love and admiration towards her, the truth remains untold……forever……
The true loved one never realized who loved them and how much…..I thought of leaving all this like this. Then one day I came across a forward asking ‘what I would have done if it’s my last day in life?’ The first thing came to my mind was telling out my love to this gal. I decided then and there, that I’m goanna tell her why I behaved like this. I sent her the link of my first post and completed it with a note ‘I don’t expect a reply’. Even if I badly wanted a reply saying at least a goodbye, nothing came! So an entry added to my list of unsuccessful dreams…..This is the first entry there!
She replied after a week i guess. As the interval came in I was begining to get rid of her memories from my mind. Not easy but I tried hard to do so! The reply was more disappointing as she's engaged and getting married this November. I felt happy that she at least cared to reply saying she don't remember me and she has never tallked to me. It was true....i have never talked to her. I guess I'll never get a chance to do so! Any ways things are headed to an end with a happy knot. I think this is the best thing that has to happen to her i mean the marriage!. The dreams left as dreams itself and i won't ( i'll try not to) have dreams about her anymore. So ....

Fantasies apart …I wish my love even if i cannot address her like that
a happy and eventful life ahead......

First Love !!!!!

First Love
It was a very cloudy afternoon. After school I didn’t feel to go to tuition class. I was afraid because marks will be given for the class test. I didn’t do the test well as I used to. All because of the accident that took place three weeks ago. I had hit an electric post with my bicycle and was thrown on to ground on my chest. It cost me my two front teeth. After spending two weeks in hospital, most painful thing was the smile on everyone’s face seeing me with broken teeth. I was one of the pet students for the tuition teacher. Half mindedly I took my bicycle and started towards the tuition class.

By the time I reached the tuition class it started to drizzle heavily. I hurried through the corridor with a wet head and sprinkles of water on the face. When I went inside the class room I found every one with a tensed face anticipating the terror “Mathematics Teacher”. I usually takes the seat next to the teacher but that day I moved far from my teacher and took the seat right next to the girl’s bench. The next moment teacher entered into the class room. From her face itself everyone realized its going to be a very bad time. She usually starts asking questions while cleaning the black board. She didn’t bother to clean the black board. So it was obvious to everyone that she don’t have any intention to take class. It’s going to be a roller coaster ride for the class. As she took the test paper books every one give a deep sigh. It was as silent as a deserted room. Teacher Priya always arranges the books in descending order of marks. Every one had their eyes clutched on to the heap of test paper books to find which one belongs to them. She took the first book and called a name. It was a girl’s name. I was looking at the next book to check whether it’s mine! She took the next book and called another name. It was my friend’s name who was present at accident spot. He was delighted to hear the mark. But the first mark was only 26 and the second 25 ½ out of 30. Next was my book .I scored the same mark! The ritual continued until she finished round the class. From the mark 15 onwards she was staring at each of the student who she handed the book. She never bothered to give books to those who scored less than 10. Books were thrown out through the window onto the rain!
Teacher started from the girl who scored the highest mark. She commented that it is not supposed to be a highest mark in maths in any class room. Then she turned to my friend who scored 25 ½ and asked where he went wrong. My friend showed the book to teacher and she found out that he went wrong in writing the question itself. In our tution class students has to first take down the questions and then go to their respective places to start answering. So it turned out to be a care less mistake. Madam started to fire him for all the mistakes he had done until now. Once my friend started to weep she turned and looked at me. I always had the reputation of scoring highest among the boys. She didn’t even bother to ask me what happened but started laughing at me. Then she said I have lost every thing along with my teeth. Once the tooth was gone I'm not smiling to any one. She asked me whether I lost my brain too with it! Suddenly every one in the class started to laugh. I had a burning sensation in my heart, an electric signal ran through my spine. I was really fuming. Then I spotted the girl who scored more than me, just a ½ mark seated right next on the bench and was laughing like she had seen some joker. If I had a chance I would have burned her there itself. I looked at the floor in disbelief that I had lost the reputation of brilliance in math. The class finished off with more shouting than any maths theorem. I noticed ,the girl is still struggling to stop the laughter. I decoded in my mind “Every one will have their own share, wait for yours buddy’

I was very early for the next class, first one to be there! With in seconds the girl who laughed at me also entered the class. I realized that she’s struggling to control her laugh watching me all alone in the class. Again I started to feel the heat ! This time I had the courage to stare at her but she didn’t bother to admit the stare. But as I was about to take eyes off her, I realized,I was not staring at her but hazing at her. For the first time in my life I felt some thing that attracted me. Until then when my cricket team hazed at the girls passing by, I used to tease them calling “Wolfs with no lower jaw”.
I looking at that pretty girl with my lower jaw out of control and with a sparkle in my eyes. There it started. In that class I hardly remember any equations that were taught. When ever teacher turned to the black board my eyes went for her. That day I left class thinking why I didn’t spot her before. She was there in the class for more than three months now. I dreamt the sweet smile on her face. I had an image like memory of her face by then.
From the next class on wards I always tried to sit near her. But no one around cared for that. But when ever she looked to my side, I turned my head away. Then I realized some thing is wrong with me. I started to admire her even more ,when she managed to keep pace with me or ahead of me in every test.
I started to look the way she dresses, her handwriting, the way she presented herself. She was pretty in every sense to me. She’s soft spoken with a good accent, always wearing simple jewelry but elegant one. The best thing I found was her intelligence which was always ahead of mine. Those days the questions thrown up to be answered were not volunteered by me anymore . I waited her to stand up and answer so that I could listen to her sweet voice and look at her face without any hesitation. Until and unless I was pointed out to answer ,I always gave her chance. By then I realised her school is the girls’ high school next to my school and we came by the same bus every day. I was silently admiring her . When we completed 10th and went for the PUC I badly need the maths teacher to continue taking tuition until PUC. But I could never even smile at her. Every time she turned and looked at me, I turned to a statue. I always tried to avoid her attention so that I could look at her and admire. Then she went on to the Women’s college to do her PUC and I never meet her again.
As she lives near by my house, every day when I go throuh the junction, I still turns around and look for any traces of her. Then I found out that she had been approached by many big shots , whom she had dumped . I realized I'm in a crowd marathon rather than 100 meter hurdle with only 10 to compete for her. I still feel the untold feeling in my mind is pure love. The untold ones are the once who are really loved…

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